i like to soccer

happy new year everyone.

and what a new year it's been.
spent the first day of the 07 atop a mountain, among ancient ruins, built hundreds of years ago.
bitching about the american on our tour.
how profound yet trivial.
sounds like life.
how bitchy.

truth to tell it wasn't ME, per se, bitching about him. it was the two aussie girls.
all i remember was the flashback to when our inca trail group were saddling up to go to the start of the trail, and brought in our very compact, below 5 kg, duffle bags, with a few t shirts and essentials.
the american guy comes with a bag BURSTING at the seams.
gets told to open the bag.
he pulls out a plastic bag, with 3 HUGE bottles of God-knows-what.
...
only in america.

so this was the first match with most of our team members present.
and what a match!
not only did we actually win, we made it to double digits!
and here i was expecting to get a BEATING, metaphorically and physically.
this is the team who, last time we played, had lotsa ethnic subs, equally ethnic and glamorous female cheer squad, causing all the guys' blood to boil.
and hormones raging, the pummeled us.
bad.
lotsa red cards were handed out that night.
and lotsa asian ass was kicked too.

but this time they fronted up with ONE measly sub.
ok he wasn't that measly.
actually he was quite huge.
i actually BOUNCED off him, while playing.
*boing*

and ONE cheer squad.

needless to say, the players were stripped of their manhood.
they had no cheer squad.
no subs.
and not much dignity either.
getting all pissed off and slamming their hands on doors and playing dirty as usual.

firstly, must say the goalies had a fantastic game.
many a ball was saved.
peter, i must admit, is becoming VERY adept at reading the play fast.
as soon as he gets the ball in his hands, he's already building up the momentum and passing the ball to our players.
nice peter!
equally nice skills are zens.
and liangs.
realised they both do this funny fake kick.
in exactly the same way.
you watch them and do a double take "was that zen or liang"...
oh well they're asian, they may as well be the same.
and every now and then liang does this funny thing where he just BOOTS the crap out of the ball, in the general direction of the goal.
it almost always, hits the net about 4 metres from the ground (read : nowhere near the goal)
but you have to applaud his try.

and an indoor soccer game is never complete without daz tripping over himself.
this time it was backwards, over his own feet.

(i've been told that it's happened forwards before too)...

but that just shows how much daz is into the game.
he ain't half assed and blase about it.
he goes for every ball, had many shots on goal.

...

ok i CBB posting the rest of this entry.
point is, we won.

thrashed 'em.

they deserved it.

first off, i SWEAR i did not make up the opposition's name.
it's how it is.
i copied it off the game roster thing.

second off, yep it's me again, and yep i'm feeling emo.
well the question is when am i NOT feeling emo.
bloody emotions and the way they take you to a place you know is wrong but still want.

and so i've decided to NOT do the emo thing (be unreliable and pike on my responsibilities and commitments) and actually honour my commitment and post on this blog!

so the game was at 8.20, a good time cos it's early enough to not make you dead for the next day, and late enough for working ppl to actually rock up to on time.
...except for daz
=P
daz might even beat me as the most unreliably UN-puntual person there is.
and that's saying something.
just like we also found out that mel might beat me as the most forgetful person there is.
ladies and gents, THAT is saying something.
I'm the kinda person who goes "Guess what happened on tuesday?... blah blah blah..."
* Listener's response after patiently waiting for me to finish :
"you already told me that, victor.
5 minutes ago."

i rock up, and mel goes "hey victor, long time no see! how was sydney?"
...
.....
.......
deja vu.

yep that's right, i had already seen her since my trip to syd over the long weekend!
remember sister act 2?!

speaking of bad memories and let downs, after the match, before the sweat had even stopped dripping, everyone was already up and ready to go to chaddy for a night of VIP shopping..
...
only to be told by liang that it is NEXT tuesday not tonight.
tonight was only David Jones VIP shopping night.
...
no one wants to go anymore.
but wow, just to go on a tangent here,
me and a mate from work bought a cake from DJ's in chaddy on the weekend.
WOW, quality stuff!
didn't know DJ food hall would actually be good.
quite the gourmet place actually.
mmmm....black forest cake...mmm..
(my fave)..

ANYWAY, ...what were we talking about..
oh that's right.
soccer.

so we lost.
....
oh no..not again.
i forgot the score again.
ALWAYS escapes me..
i think it was like 7-5.

all i remember is that we all scored!
i know, even yours truly!
and left foot too!
haha
in between the keeper's legs.

daz also scored; his goal the result of a lot of scrambling and chasing and not giving up, on daz's part.
it was pretty nice.
liang injured himself, tripping over the net.
i think that's the thing for our team this season.
by the end of our season every player on our team must trip over themselves with no help from the opposition.
i've done it.
daz has done it.
now liang has done it.
NOICE.

greg made a guest appearance tonight...and brought a goal along with him!
what a way to end the season of 2006...with a goal.
(tonight's match being greg's and my last match of the year)

peter in the goals, as usual, made many award winning saves.
he's getting fast now with the ball, when he runs to pick up the ball, he hurriedly looks up and chucks the ball to one of us..all in the same stride, keeping the momentum!
that's skill and experience right there.
the only thing i might suggest, peter, is not to gorge on a dodgey dumpling banquet right before the match.
honestly, i ate less than half you ate and i'm still feeling it.
and it's 10.30 pm.

justin, as usual, had lots and lots of shots on goal...and capitalised 2 of them!
although with the lack of subs (only 1 at any given time tonight) he looked a lot worse for wear.
in fact we all did.
we're all getting unfit.

we don't practise at anderson park like we used to.
maybe next year for the mixed team we will.
after all, it'll all be new players.

anyway it's off for me.
i'm getting tired.
and for some reason my head is kinda spinning and feeling light headed.
kinda like i'm about to jump off a cliff.

i'm so unreliable.
i vaguely remember promising that i would keep this blog up to date with reviews of our thrills, spills and dills on the indoor soccer field.
oops.

blame work.
blame tiredness.
blame emo-ness.
blame yourselves.
i don't care.

so anyway how ironic that i pick up where this blog left off at a game where most of our regular players are not playing.
"studying" apparently.
you punks better pass your exams then.

the team that did rock up was fantastic at best, amateur at worst.
wait.
that's a really big range isn't it?
oh well, that's the way the game went.

daz, as usual, gave it his best, running hard and being in good positions to NEARLY score some goals. some of his kicks were nice as. much like his new place.
and his new lcd tv.
mmm.....lcd..mm....

so we had matty, who only played his 2nd game.
"2 games, 2 injuries" - quote matty
apparently he kicked some guy in the heel.
that really exemplifies matty on the soccer field.
he full on gives it his all, and some!
he is so into it, even though he's damn tired.
and he had SO MANY excrutiatingly close goals.
so many that were JUST blocked by the goalie.
except for that toe bash early in the game, which was a surprise, even to matty.
good job on it.

karl also played his 2nd game.
this guy really is fit. i mean after playing a game of netball, he not only fronts up to an intense game of indoor soccer, but also has the stamina to remain on that field for most of the halves. tell you what, he gonna make a fine fitness instructor.

speaking of fine, how about a goal. MAKE THAT TWO!
by berwick's very own devlin.
first goal was so fast didn't even realised it happened. kinda like the speed of light. except that it's something we actually care about.
the 2nd goal was a full smack into the top left hand side of the nets. it was NOICE.
i was sitting behind the goal, panting like a dog in heat, when the white ball is REELING towards my head. next thing i know my eyes are watering and my nose is dripping.
but that ain't from the ball hitting me, it's from the sheer beauty of the ball placed in the back of their goals giving us a one up on our opposition.
tell you what guys, if that doesn't make your eyes water and nose run, i don't know what will.
oh wait i do.
if i punched you in the face i'm sure you would.
oh and if you get a cold.
damn colds.
what impeccable timing, to get sick right before your 4 day interstate holiday with 3 others.
oh well these kinda things just happen and happen gradually and you don't realise it until you're suffering from it and it's pissing you off.
kinda like global warming.

speaking of warm, i'm sure peter's hands were. in fact, they were HOT. hot to go!
this guy saved many a ball that could have made our scoreline much more weighted towards the opposition. i seriuosly thought that the MVP slip would have gone to at least one of the two goalies, because they were truly magnificent.

speaking of magnificent, yik played his debut match.
good job with your positioning and running.
i think it helps with strategy and positioning of yourself if you watch a lot of sport...
and play a hell of a lot of Athens.

speaking of places outside of melbourne, it's time that i started packing for my trip to my birthplace over this long weekend.
it looks like it's gonna rain, but hopefully all the rain that's supposed to fall in sydney, comes down and pours down on melbourne. God knows we need it.
well our water storages do.
otherwise it's back to watering our gardens in the middle of the night and washing our cars with reused water.
at this rate, in a few years, we'll be spitting in our cups for a drink of water, and pissing on our cars to hose them down.

i know someone who actually likes paris hilton's new song.
i know, how wrong.
the guy who likes it is also very asian...
how does that work?

i'll tell you something even more unbelievable.
we won!

i know!..
let me repeat that in case you didn't get that the first time.
we won.
once again my early onset of alzheimers has robbed me of the score by which we won. i think the score was 11-9.
something close.

seriously, it was such an uplifting game.
not only did we win, but everyone on our team scored at least one goal.
and get this.
even I scored a goal.
i know, unbelievable.
but i'll forgive you if you refuse to believe that.
cos i don't either.

seriously, there were goals scored ALL OVER THE PLACE, left right and centre.
almost as many goals as there were people lining up on the first opening day of the new KK in the city. It's near my work, so i walk past it every day, twice.
speaking of KKs, how good was the grand final on sat/!??!
wait. ok you're not in my mind so you don't know how that relates.
you see, the grand final some of us went to the house of mr-pleasure-all-the-ladies to watch the final between the swans and eagles.
accompanying us were 10 boxes of Krispy Kremes!
there were 10 people.
1 box per person.
mmmmmm
and not just original glazed, but all samplers.
because original glazed ones are salty.

can't believe the swans went down by one point!
such a nail biting match at the end.
bazza was disappointing, had a couple of misses which prob cost him and his team (morale).

..
ok enough of that, back to the more important, famous and well-publicised match of i like to soccer vs aussie blokes.
sorry again i forgot the name of the team
i just made it up.
altho i remembered each member of that opposition
there was the "katie-guy". he was the guy with the trakkies that reminded me of katie. the trakkies were purple/dark blue, with two white stripes down the sides. i think adidas.
then there was the big guy, kinda like baz from the swans : big, intimidating and skilful looking, but just didn't capitalise when he needed to.
and there was the "guy-with-the-ass".
the only reason he was called this is because one of the spectators of the female variety commented (out of nowhere and randomly i might add) to me "look at that guy standing there with his ass sticking out"
...
......
.........
o..k...
someone was looking just a bit too much at the players instead of the play.
it's ok _____ . <-- perving spectator remains anonymous.
we know you were just admiring the human body for what it is; the beautiful architecture, the stupendous arcs and curves and the wondrous texture of a body crafted by God.

so i can't be bothered talking about each indiv player each time cos it's just gonna be the same drivel : liang has fancy moves, justin runs hard, greg tackles well and chases the ball hard, peter saves, ken (the tank in the tank) is hardcore, and daz is persistent and reliable.

done.

we all played exceptionally well, and passed beautifully, resulting in all those goals that we scored.

let me just say that i'm totally making up the opposition's team.
I don't actually know the names of them.
and even if i did, i woulda forgotten them anyway.

so anyway let me just get to the painful part and tell you upfront that we lost 11-1.
see ppl, this is how we deal with issues, straight up, right to the point, confront, resolve and move on.
no sweeping under the carpet.
or blaming other ppl.
guys, take note.


ANYWAY, speaking of pain, my right foot is.
i knew as soon as i wound my foot for a HUGE kick and ended up kicking more ground and hardly any ball, that it would be bad.
so as i type i'm still sporting a big red patch on my right foot.
at work on monday, i had to take off my right shoe, cos it was too painful and constrictive.
but hey, what's new? i take my shoes off at work anyway.

i know, pretty dodge huh? In my suit and tie and...no shoes.
i bet u're all thinking "omg so asian".
well i'm NOT the asian.
trust me.
someone else is.
and i have that on reputable sources.

Anyway, speaking of pain, here's a story of guy who's pain was avoided :
the ball is slammed by the opposition.
these blokes may be old (one of the guys had 3 kids!), but they sure can beat the leather (or whatever material the ball is made of) off the ball.
it SLAMS into greg, into the area we don't want anything to slam into.
*ouch*

BUT he's still up.
he's not on the floor, rolling around, with sharp, throbbing and dull aches and pains in the stomach.
(take note : that's how it feels when you get slogged in the testicles)
why isn't he on the floor?
does he have balls of steel?
no
he just has the overhang.
the overhanging stomach flab.
the overhang saved his balls.
*angels : "HALLELUJAH!" *

peter L says "See, being fat IS good for something"
...
yes peter, just keep telling yourself that.

speaking of peter and balls, our goalie def does have some.
can you believe how many eye-watering saves he made?!?!
..
well you probably can't.
because you weren't there.
but they were seriously ear-smashing!
one of them made a full on SLAPPING sound.
like the way the ball slapped on G's overhang.

anyway this game we had a little more tactics planned out : "we need at least one person back"
..
...
ok i know it's not much.
but at least it's something.
daz continues to give it his all. he even tried to contribute some tactics : "instead of having 2 ppl offence and 1 defence, we should have 2 ppl defence and 1 person offence"
...
..
only to be shot down by everyone.
and i still, to this day, don't understand his reasoning behind it.

liang, as usual, has the fancy moves
and the shirt to match.
"morning fresh".
how weird.
cos i definitely ain't eva feeling fresh in the morning.
unless, if by fresh, you mean grumpy.
and stale, bad breath.

speaking of leaving a bad taste in the mouth, justin needs to chill.
according to sources, he got a bit PO'ed after the game.
seriously buddy, chill.
ok we might not have won, ok we lost pretty badly.
but oh well. no need to get your knickers in a twist.
just work out what you did wrong and improve.

anyway
i'm gonna end it here
i know it's an abrupt end.
but i can't be bothered atm.
and i'm feeling emo.

- out

HALLO boys!
well that's the only hallo boys we're gonna get, since we didn't get one from a certain person who called all the way from UK at a 9.00 in the morning on a sunday!
i mean all the way from UK, and STILL no change in accent.
how disappointing.

who likes to soccer?
I like to soccer!

That's right kids, the brand spanking new indoor soccer team is now named after the blog!
New name.
New team lineup.
even new COLOUR!

no more yellow fever.
wait.
no we still ARE yellow (and some of us might have a fever), but now with the addition of GREEEN!
that's our team colour.
altho i've heard on the grapevine that we might be getting another uniform change
this time to incorporate the ever-pervasive cow and chicken.
the fur. oops i mean the pho.
who knows with these asian languages?
i mean who woulda thought you could get the meaning of prostitute out of the word for chicken.
the only thing yellow was those freaky bright yellow shoes worn by a certain mellow girl sitting in the stands. But i'm ALL for weird and bright shoes so i support you!
you can be my friend.

So anyways, this new place we are playing is in donnie. When i reached the place i seriously it was some kind of joke.
Seriously.
I turn into a dilapidated, run-down service station, and there are only a few cars, and it's quiet as a mouse. A far cry from the hustling, busy and annoying-cos-there-aren't-any-close-car-parks type of place that our former place good 'ol bokkers is.
(bokkers = box hill)
On more than one occasion i turn to peter next to me and utter "are we sure this is the place?"

either way we got started ...
ok lemme just admit that the match happened a few weeks ago (from the time i'm typing this)
so the game is all hazy in my mind
along with everything else in my past

this is what it's like when you have a bad memory

ANYWAY,
enough about me getting alzheimers early...

so the score was like 9-3
i think
liang and justin scored.
justin needs to "chillax" (chill + relax = chillax)
after the match he's got his head hung over, threatening to vomit his lunch and possibly his b'fast.
wait no, justin only wakes up at about 1pm everyday anyway
so he prob didn't have any b'fast in his stomach.

liang played well as usual, skilfully and nicely.
liang is a great sportsman. not only does he play with good sportsmanship and doesn't shout at the umpire and doens't play dirty, he also is VERY good.
i'm like him.
except i'm missing the skilful- and-actually-good-at-soccer part.
which leaves me with just good sportsmanship.
and by good sportsmanship i mean good benchwarmer.

zhen rocked up, being extremely hard to recognised.
he had traded in his spiky hair for a more mellow, let-down look.
wen he came i thought "who's that? is that reallly zhen? who knows? i dun know. he's asian. all asians look the same. so it may well be zhen. that guy = asian. zhen = asian. therefore, that guy = zhen"
rocks up in a RL polo.
to play sport.
i don't think my whole outfit that day playing soccer was worth more than that RL polo alone.
in fact, i KNOW it wasn't
unless the polo was fake.
i didn't get a look at the buttons.
because real RL polos don't have "polo ralph lauren" on the buttons.
how ironic.

speaking of spiky hair, daz came, a tad late but oh well. it's not like i can talk.
tell me to come pick you up @ 7pm and you can take a nap @ 7.30, i'll be ther @ about 9pm.
8.30 if you're lucky.

but betta late than neva. betta than piking!
far out what is it with piking these days?
seriously.
everyone does it now. all the time.
it's the in thing.
pink was the new black. then green became the new pink. then purple became the new green.
and now piking is the new purple.
let's make the new piking, actually rocking up.
period.

anyway it's a fantastic day outside.
time to get back out and get my dose of vitamin D on this great weekend.
before it's back to getting my 10-hours-a-day 5-days-a-week dose of laptop radiation at work.

don't forget guys : rocking up is the new piking.

talk about yellow fever!

last nite's game was yellow all over.
If anyone on that court hadn't got yellow fever, they sure woulda caught it by the end.
Our opponents were none other than ... F4.
-wait.
oops.

no they weren't, but they sure looked like it, being asian and skinny n all.
and anyway, who m i kidding?
asians look the same anyways, so if i told u that we were playing against F4 and jay chow, you wouldn't be able to argue with me.

skinny those asians may hv been, their stick-figure -esque physiques belied the physical-ness they exhibited.
and push push here and shove shove there.
here a push, there a shove
everywhere a push shove

being the first game of the season, with a new team and new players, AND being shoved in DIVISION ONE, it was a steep learning curve for us all.
as usual, liang came in kicking and screaming, running all over the court.
ok maybe he wasn't screaming PER SE, but he may as well been.
his speed was, as usual, high up there with the speed of light, and his moves were flashy and fancy.
though not as flashy as his trakkies.
liang, buddy, get some shorts next time mate. don'tcha get hot in those trakkies?
and the goal he scored was an ABSOLUTE scorcher.
i saw it all from behind.
he takes the ball up, bit of a dribble, bit of a shimmy, then BANG!
kicks it into the corner so fast that the asian goalie was still daydreaming, wondering where he put that last lee hom cd he was listening to in his hotted up R3, "did i put it in the glove box, or did i leave it in my manbag?"

speaking of fast asians, tell u what.
i neva seen one so all over the place!
CUE ZEN!
the only thing that's as much everywhere as he is, is F4 popularity and merchandise! (c'mon bex get rid of that F4 wallet you bought in thailand!)
this poo brown ivanhoe old boy may be a noob to the team, but he sure ain't a noob to the soccer pitch. He plays in no less than 3 teams!
and each is a different sort : outdoor, futsal AND nets!
this guy is speedy and skilful, pushing the opponents to their LIMIT. zen just chases down every single ball, and some!
these paid off in a goal scored, which pushed our goal tally to a MAGNIFICENT 2!!
pretty hardcore!

speaking of hardcore, how's this for hardcore?!
playing soccer, THEN indoor soccer, THEN basketball??!!!
WHAT THE?...how is this possible you ask me?
well it is! right here! in KEN!
this guy in the tank plays back-to-back games, and still gives his 110%!
....
except might wana hold back on that extra 10%, being the slide tackle he beautifully executed, then only problem being that it is ILLEGAL!
nvm it was worth watching you K.O. that asian that was about to score.
talk about putting his body (and boot) on the line.

speaking of putting bodies and boots on the line, peter is BACK as our goalie!
fresh from a life-changing thailand trip, and new glasses to boot (pun intended), this pint sized, spikey haired guy is back for more rendezvous with the indoor soccer ball.
A few near misses, including a whizzer past his ear ("phew that was close i heard the wind!").
Don't worry Peter, you did good! It's just the first game. Can only get better!

Speaking of first game, Daz had his debut on sunday! Riding on the back of his hugely successful touch career (that is still progressing - see albert park), daz brought his fast pace, focussed efforts, AND gelled hair to the indoor soccer arena.
i tell ya, this guy DEFINITELY likes to soccer.
his determination is much the same as it was on the touch field, and didn't disappoint the crowd at all.
and by crowd i mean a few ppl.
and by a few ppl i mean lana.
and quoc and henry.
and our subs.

speaking of quoc and henry and the DBB's , thanks to them for being there if we needed them to play.
ex-capt'n greg also rocked up for a good 'ol fashion kick of the ball.
however, as quoted (by himself) he was "out of it".
...
who knows what that means...
hmm...

EMO!
...

speaking of captains, justin our co-captain def gave those asians a run for their money.
money that was probably illegally obtained.
cos they're asians.
and all asians are dodge.

justin was all over the ball, trying his UTMOST to dribble past the opponents and score, but their defence line was pretty solid, with a lot of passing back to their goalie.

and by the time we all knew it, it was all over red rover.
the score : 9-2
or something like that.
i can't, for the life of me, remember.

anyways, that was a great first game, good intro into the season, and some things to note and lessons to learn are :
1) we might need more training, especially defence.
2) fitness can be improved. The less huffing and puffing, the better, cos there ain't any straw, stick or brick house to blow down.
and last but not least
3) daz, don't order that canned spaghetti crap at new age again

- i like to soccer